9.

tonight i give you episodes:

9a.

it almost felt like an accident for a second – a choice that neither of us necessarily made – a natural by-product of our camaraderie and maybe a little chemistry (perhaps...?). for suddenly we were in this textured measure of ecstatic time after we passed what our culture has decided is the normal span for eye contact. 

i'm not sure how long the moments afterwards lasted, but they rippled and danced, the ground following the shifting of our bodies which were moving out of astonishment and perhaps a little discomfort at being seen so suddenly, so unexpectedly, in a world of passing glances. 

then there was the moment of widening surprise as we both persisted in holding on to the other. next, a soft settling into ourselves, letting go of the restlessness, a stillness taking over the parallel vectors of our gaze. finally, gratitude and a small moment of grace as the finishing notes before we each tore ourselves free. 

for what greater gift is there than seeing and being seen? holding and being held? even for just a short while in the eyes of a near stranger...

9b.

i am still savoring the blissful groove of my photo shoot even as i can't exactly explain it beyond one of the most powerful out-of-head-fully-in-body experiences of my life. my brain, my self-criticism, usually so loud and authoritative, had no place in the day. it was pure joy, pure spontaneity, pure effortless confidence. i was flying, and they flew along with me, capturing each bold moment of the day. 

9c.

i want to push up against the understood boundaries of myself: full body contact, skin against skin, cheek pressed confidently but gently into cheek. this spring has delivered so many opportunities – so many damn fine mirrors – beautiful faces through glasses and lenses looking straight on giving me the opportunity not to shy away in shame (this time).

this time. that time. the other time that's just around the corner. they are increasing in frequency even if the purpose is just to ping me as they pass. opportunities to show me exactly how i can sometimes mislead with my stories, my confidences, my openness, creating an elaborate set of smoke and mirrors to camouflage the fact that i am, have been quite a lot of my life, hiding in plain sight.