7.

i listened to the new radiohead album today. finally. it's hard to think i could barely sit down fast enough for in rainbows, my heart racing, my body warm from anticipation, unable to concentrate at work until i had consumed it to the very last note. even years later, with the surprise early-morning release of the king of limbs, by the evening i was in my car, driving under the full moon, having a date with myself, the roads, and the music. 

this album was different. i knew it would be ahead of time. after hearing all my friends' plans for their first listens last sunday, i waited almost a week to listen to their latest release, a moon shaped pool, rescheduling a listening party, holding it at bay, delaying on my own each day. the constant excuses, the repeated "no, i still haven't listened yet" texts, they were covering up my awareness that this was a break-up album for thom and for me, too, in my own way.

given my fall and winter, and now my spring (please, please don't follow me into the summer), i knew i would need to listen in the proper space. it took me a while to find it, and it ended up looking differently than i had hoped, but probably the way i should have planned from the beginning: sitting alone in my living room, cross legged in between my speakers, editing photos and daydreaming.

daydreaming...wow. what a song. despite being released before the album, i had avoided listening to it ahead of time, so when the opening notes spread out before me for the first time today i could tell right away it was going to hit hard.

it did not disappoint.

dreamers
they never learn
they never learn
beyond the point 
of no return
of no return

and it's too late
the damage is done
the damage is done

this goes 
beyond me
beyond you

the white room
by a window
the sun comes 
through

we are 
just happy to serve
just happy to serve
you

most of the album i'm still waiting to find their own places inside of me. the listens in the coming days and weeks, and later into the summer, hearing all the songs live, i trust they will find their way into my being. like all their songs do.

this heart i have, so full, so bruised of late, i can't help but make room for more. speaking as someone who was always a dreamer, thom is right yet again. dreamers never learn...

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